| i cant take itttt |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|01:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
i really cant take it anymore. SInce my grandma died everything is falling apart. Once again the family is over nd i hate it i. i cant take one more fight. i have a feeling imma loose it and im gunna loose it bad this time. I jsut wanna get out of here and be happ for once. I cant stand it. Omg all mom does is fucking start shit and she thinks everyone is out to get her. She thinks i am doing thing behind her back by telling suey things about things that go on in the house .WTF she needs to stop being too fucking paranoid. Liek get a fucking hobby. i cant fucking take it its realyy pissing me off. She thiinks i dont care about my grandma nd i dont care that shes gone but WTH i do all i do is moop around it fucking sucks having her gone. Wth y do u think this shit is happin its all becuase shes gone. If she was still here this wud not be happeneing. i really dont no wat to do anymore. i need to get away from all of this and just forget cuz i cant onli remeber those days of being in the hospital with my grandma and the funural it hurts. It hurts more then anything in the world. Its been a month now with out her and its been the worst month of my life and the rest of my life is going to be hell. As long as im in this house im going to go fucking nuts. Ughhhh im soooooooo hurt rite now by the whole situation my aunt the one the i acctually likess fucking sewed my mom nd now my mom is fucking nuts. Thats y she started wit me liek its my fault they did it. NMo its not my fault jsut give them wat they want i no its soo messed upp that all they want is money. ughhhh idk wat to do or say anymore without getting yelled att ughh omg i wanna killll my selffffffff |
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| Grandma |
[May. 28th, 2007|12:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Well on thursday may 24 my grandma had a massiv heart attack. She has been in the hospital since then. She hasnt been doing good at all. YEsterday she was responding to us nd was shaking her head and trying to talk. Even though they thought she had brain damage but i dont think she does. I think its just her heart. IM just really upset and i cant imagin life without he. All i can do is cry and hope that there is some way that we can save her. I feel like its my fault that she is like this. I feel soo bad for being mean to her, because i no she cared so much for me. Who am i going to crack on now about sleeping nd stuff i jsut really loved her sooooooooo much. And i always will no matter wat. I just want her home so i can hug her and telll her how much she means to me. I can go on forever talking about her becuase she has been here for all my life and haveing her leave us is like the wost thing. This whole excperience made me feel like there is no reason to live if this kind of thing is goingot happen to sumone, i mean there is no purpos for anything then if things can just be gone at any moment.
God Please try and help my Grandma live...Pleasee |
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| idkk |
[May. 16th, 2007|07:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | kinda happyy | ] |
i hope its not a bad thing that its probly gunna take a while for me to get over the whole cheer thing. And it kills me to talk to any of the people who got in. I mean everythime i talk to me Best friend i start to cry. Its liek she is rubbing it in my face that she got in. Her New sn is JV hottie...( junior Varsity) like wtf wen i saw it i held me tears bac on the Bus. And it totaly sucks cuz this is rely something that i wanted. The things that i realy realy want i usually never get so idk y im so upset. Rite now writing this im almost in tears. All of the girls who got in dont no how lucky they are. Everyone is like try next year but im not sure if i am cuz i dont wanna get hurt again. I cant take the pain. But im not going to let people no that im hurting cuz then they will no that im weak, but i no they wud be to if they cant do something that they love...one of there dreams =(.....it realy kills me to not be able to look at any of them, as if they were the reason i didnt get it. but it was my own fault nd i hate myself for itt......ughh i totaly hate my lifee.....but at least i have Krissy and Sam becuase they r the onli ones helping me through thiss nd i LOVE themm....
To day we went to NYC for the student worker trip we went to that mall nd thne to see The Pirate Queen on Broad Way!...the play was ehh Okayy....but i had alot of sun at the mall it was soooooo funn.....nd the bus ride there nd back was soo much fun lol......but the cheer thing keept me from having more fun because im way to depressedd..=(....well i can officaly say that i love nyc lol i cant wait for my salon nd Krissy nd lesleys office building combined lo the future soundss great lmaoo... |
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| crushedd |
[May. 15th, 2007|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissedd off | ] |
well to start off cheer didnt go soo good.The whole clinic thing went okay but tryouts didnt ill get to that later. Well the first day of the clinic we did jumos nd we learned the cheer. the cheer was easyy nd pretty goodd. then the next day we did jumps again nd we went over the cheerr, we also learnded the dance witch was sorta hard. the last day of the clinic we did stunts.In my group was me lina ambar nd marolia. i was the flyer but that didnt goo soo well sum of the stunts were way to hard so i became a base wich is hard but i cud mannagee...then came the final day of cheer TRYOUTS i was sooooo scaredd like superr scaredd...i practied soo much that day it was crazyyy..wen it was out turn i totaly froze.this is how it all wentt first we had to show our stunt witch was a thigh stand we totaly nailed that it was sooo gooddd...then was jumpss mine were pretty goodd...finally was the cheer nd the dance. We were soo off in the cheer we were all in different spotsss.then the dance was soo badddd well i thought soo wen we part of the song came to snap we jumpedd witch was liek 4 stpess after the snap..soo we messed up both timess..they mad us to the cheer nd the dance twice.soo then comes todayy the day we find out if we got into the squad......nd they didnt call my name soo i didnt get in. im soo crushedd i totaly wanna die...i wanted this soooo badd...erica got in nd soo did lina nicolett nd tracy nd mariola...im soo like upset but im not letting ppl no because i fell liek a loser.....ughh its gunna take awhile to get over this......i realyy wished i made itt.................maybe i will get in next year if i even tryouttt =( |
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| this weeek |
[May. 6th, 2007|09:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
is gunna be like crazyy.....cheer tryouts start this week. Monday-wensday are the clinic days soo we can learn the stuff that we need to try out..nd thursday is the acctuall day to try out in soooooo scared...i need all of the prayers i can get. im nervus about everything the clnic nd the tryout.......omg i rely hope i can do it , i want it sooooooo bad but idk if i can handle all of the work.lthats y im second guessing it all....but idk i rely wanna do itt like u have no idea...well imma write lata this week about how its going soo far........ |
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| alot on my mindd |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|08:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
lately ive been in bad mood. i dont realy no why. I thnik its cuz i have soo much on my mind and im not paying attention nd im like jsut going crazy. Erica is pissing me off like always she is alwayz telling me we cant hang out nd then 5 minutes later she is with her other friends. Its really hurting me like seriously. And i also have cheerleading on my mind cuz im not doing very good. I think im doing the worst out of everyone it totaly suckks. im about ot quit but i really want to do this like soo much. no one nos how much i want it..it mean alot to me. Even though i totaly suck but i no i can do it if u put my all into it but i jsut dont want to get hurt if i dont get it...ughh idk wat to do. And i also have school on my mind. Im totaly boming in science i no i can pass cuz its my fave subject. ANd im doing better in math which is one thing less on my shoulders. But i still ahve a chance of failingg. Im jsut hoping for the last marking period i do good. I think cheer is the most that i cant stop thinking about cuz i noe im not gunna get in. Its sumthink i really want nd thats y im not gunna get it. IM not good enough. i forget the cheers and the dances rite after i leave, and thats not good. Ughh im soo stressed outt idk wat to dooo,,,,,,,imma cryyyy |
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| major update |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|07:54 pm] |
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kay well first im having major problems wit krissy. see i started to get sick of krissy she was being rely bossy and she was always calling me anarexic. and we just had different friends and we liked different things. so it was getting hard to keep a convo wit her.and she invited pplz to a party rite in front of me and she thought it was okay wtf...well the fight went way to far and otha pplz got into it...and she told the concular at skool and stuff and they lady totaly took krissys side. but now im talking to her even though i cant stand her. But now im totaly madd at erica. once again. Well me and her were suposed to had out on saturday ( 3/10/07). we were both soo siked about it we were gunna get our nails done go to the the flea market and do otha stuff. but then on friday night she was like well im gunna go sleep ova at kelly and cassandras house but tomorrow im deff gonna ge by yuh..soo i thought that was gunna happen untill i called her....nd she was like ohh nooo i cant go get my nails done cuz my mom fell asleep there and she isnt up so i will go to ur house after that....sooo i called nd no answer...soo i called her house nd dannt ( her bro ) said she was not home....oo i called her cell nd no answer..., i called soo many fucking times but noo answer...soo then today ( sunday) i was like wtf happend yesterday and she was liek oghh in sooo sorryy i left my phone at kellys house and i then i went out wit my mom.....do u think she wud call me and be like well do u wanna hang tonight ( meaning sunday) noo she goes out wit alyssa.....ughh omg i hate that gurll sooo much..i cant wait until we go to high skool nd she wont be there.....ughhh.................................. |
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| i got it |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
yess i got my sidekick 3 todayyy ahhhh im sooo effing excitedd.....yeaa soo now im waiting for it to acctually work.....well its bed time soo NIGHT NIGHT |
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| Bored |
[Dec. 28th, 2006|01:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
Today i am at work with my mom. And it is so boring here, since they moved to the new office ughh it stinks. At the other place it was so much fun i dont no why but it was. I really miss it there.But since nick left i cna go on his until he gets back when ever that is.My brother went to NYC today with my Aunt,two uncles,and out two cousins. They went to go see the christmas show. I was gunna go but i saw it a couple of years ago and it was kinda boring. So i decided to stay home. And now i kinda regret not going. But tonight i am going to my cousins house for gifts and dinner.I am getting my gifts late because it was crazy on christmas eve there were soo many people at her house. My brother opend his, because he is at the show today. I cant wait to see Genna she is soooooo cute.Well my fingers still hurt from yesterday ughh stupid chineese people, oh yea ur food suckss lolzz |
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| ouchh!!!!!! |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|04:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
today i took off my tips ( my nails) ughh it hurt soo bad i went to Nail studio in passaic to get them taken off....omg nd the stupid chinees guuy hurt me sooo badd ughhhh my nail was like gushing blood. Soo noww all of my fingers hurtt like hEll...OUCH!!!!! |
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| recapp |
[Dec. 25th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
kk well im going to recap u on wat went on last week. well last week was mrs.casas last week it was reall sadd ...she is the best readinf nd writing teacher everr.....soo on friday the half a day we had a party f0r her 8th period. it was awsome nd super sadd....she is retiering nd going to texass....by her grandkidss...ughhh.........well on christmas eve we went to sueys house ( my cuzin) md it was sorta fun lolzz....nd today christmas....wow today suckssss ughh i got nuttin i wantedd.im super pissedd......christmas has been the shits for like the past 2 yearss ughhh......soo todayyy my aunt nd uncle nd cuzin from cali are cummin ovaa...my other grandparents were suposed to cum with my other aunt but my gramdma got sick soo they aint cummin thagnk godd lolzz....ill wirte lataa paceee |
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| t0day nd yesterdayy |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|05:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
yesterday was my b-day yupp dec.17th. soo n0w i am 14 years old. i g0t a blue ipod nd aan idog from my mom.( ipod nano) from my bro i g0t a sweat outfit frum vicky secret ( mom actually bought nd i picked it out). nd i got a cook book from the susan J, nd other stuff from her.....my granny got me the PINK bag ive been dieing f0r...lolzz.....well today was okk at school since my b-day was yesterday they sang to me in 3rd period nd in soc std lolzz mucho fun....i g0t a present from queverli it was a shirt that says " todays my birthday where are my presents" lolzz neveen had it on nd iwas like 0mg i lv0e it i want it soo i told Qieverly to get it f0r me....but i was gunna pay her then she was like nahh its f0r ur b-day...amal gave me $20..nd meliah gave me spray... it smells kinda badd but its the thought htat counts.....i stil l0ve herrr......soo me nd my mom are mad at each other again....wats neww...she is always on the phone wit nick ( her boss) even though she talkes bad about him nd how he made her go to this new office nd n0w she is missrible she still always calls himm....all the timee nd she treatrs him like her husband its really weirdd..soo i was like i wanna sh0w u suttin but she was talking ot him in the BR while she was using it....( grosse) soo i was like omgg....then she was like 0mg u have an attitude it im sick of it..blah blah blahh......ughhh she make me crazy...i hate wen we fight its jsut stupidd.....well imma write soonn.....h0mework timeee
mauhzz
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| todayyy |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|06:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
welll today we went to the mall....nd of couse liek every time we gooo me nd my mom fight...i hate it...i always say suttin wrong nd now she realy hates mee....she said she was gunna make my life hell....wtf is that.....she sounds liek sum girl from skool.....well i realy hope it get fixedd......then me nd stef went to the nail salon nd i g0t my nails d0nee....there french with a blue snowflake...soo h0tt..... |
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| kinda friends |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
kk well the last time i wr0te i was really pissed off at erica.....welll n0w we are ok...but im still hurt nd madd at her.....it really hurts wen ur best friend leaves u hanging f0r sum new gurll.....it suckss alot........well im really tired sooo night night
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| pissed |
[Dec. 1st, 2006|09:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
wow i have not been on in f0rever.....well skool is good except f0r mathh...but htat nuttin new....nd omgg Erica again is ditching me f0r alysa...( i dont give a shyt if i spelt her dame name wr0ng) omgg erica is suposly gr0unded...but Alysa can go to her h0sue but i cant....0mgg im soo fed up with eirca ......i wanna cry soo bad...we have been freinds f0r 9 years and then she dumps me like that WTF im bout to fuck her and her little friend uppp n0 lie...dis year d0nt mess wit me.....last year was hell nd ppl took advatage of myy thid year....hell noo im fighting back...ERIca u can kiss my ass.....u fat bitch,,,,,,,,,ur suck a biter.......white wwms bitch,,,
lata
Britt |
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| School,tears,boringg |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|08:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
Omg school is going ok so far but i still dont wanna go lol. Today is back to school night and my parents wont go. iWas crying for 2 hours and they still wont go. i told my dad last week i wanted him to go and he said OK. But wen i aksed him last night he was like " ohh no i cant leave work earli " witch i no is BULL all he has to do is say he is sick and leave. But NOOOOOO he wont do it . Omg soo now im not talking to either of them..All thety no how to do is runin my life. THey are horriable parentss.........They jsut sit there and let there child be miserable. Omg i HATE THME SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.........I dont htinki can take them anymore...lolzz.......Reallly they are getting on my last nurv....Welll im in school rite now soo ima write more later
Peacee |
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| the football game 9/8/06 |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
OMG the football game was sooooo much fun.........but i missed isabel being there i wish she could have came lolzz but she is in AZ...and there were HOTT ASS guys there OMG....and GUS he got SOOOOOO HOTTT omg me and kirsyys wanted to like burn 360 calories with him rite there lolzz........omg beverly came and it got even more fum im sooo glade i met her lol.........i cant wait till the next game ................. |
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| skool |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|06:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Well school started today and it was not soo bad ( witch is surprising for me) but the onli thing i dont like is reading and gym class.....i have all ghetto kids in that class it suckss big time............soo ima going to try and get it changed to be wit my BFF krissy.And im kinda scared about math it seems like im not going ot do soo good in that class...but imma talk to sumone about that.But other wise it was pretty good.But at the same time in still scared about the whole thing.school is not my fave thing but i gotta live with it .....im not going to go to collage cuz another 4 years of school is not my cup of tea.i wanna gradguate and then go to hair school or a school for make-up artist.and if that does not work out i will probly go two collage. But i have a long time got that soo imam stop thinking about it lol...ill keep updating about school...and other stuff
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| .?.?.?.? |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|07:55 pm] |
kk well todayy i wnet to get snaekers lolzz i got k-swiss ( white) yea like the ones i had last school year but in white......and then we went to white castel lolzz uhhmmmmmhmmm good.........llol omg i lvoe dat place lolz i can eat like 4 chees burgers lol.........and then erica came over......it was sooo boring....up until we made mike shakes ( ohh yea i have molt) lolzz dats and insider lolzzz..........we made them like a resteraunt wouldd.......with the wipped cream and the sprinkels omg it was awsomee...........now i feel soo sick lolzz.......ohh yea i forgot we put on fake toe nailss lolzz that was sooo cool..........today we really did not have fun but ohh well.....now imm going to watch the singalong cheetah girls 2.......lolzz finally i get to watch the beginngin .............well imam wirte tomorrow ......byee
xoxoxo |
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| yesterday & today |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|09:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Well yeaterday i went to my moms job for like an hour or sooo....then we had to go to the doctor with my brother......which took like an hour...............then rite after wee took my mom bac to work and then i went to Ericas house.......it was kinda fun but kinda boring.....it was jsut me and her alone in her house.....soo we went and got pizza and french fries for Abe's up the street and we ate that ( thwe piza was nasty) and then we went online and thats pretty much itt...........kk and today all imm gunan do is go to my moms job and clean out her office alot of fun rite NOT........then maybe ill have someone come over tonight cuz my brother got a job.......yess my brother finally got a job.....he has been going to places and no one wants to hire himm.....soo one day her went to RITE AID and they said they will get back to him and look they did finally Yesterday they called and told him tio start today ( 8/25/06) his house rite now are 2:00pm to 10Pm imm gonnna missi m lolzz who am i gunna fight with everyday lol and my mom and my grandma are liek sooo bumded out about the whole thing......well i gues i can say i am tooooo..........and ohhh yeai think i got a cold lolzzz i no grrat rite befor skool startss....imm soooo mad about that......well anyway ill write lata
_x3
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